TRAFFIC COP 1000

TRAFFIC COP 1000 Killer Core Exercise Regimen

(white gloves & whistle not included).

What began as a joke solution to the prevention of sitting oneself to death at the workplace has become the latest incognito junior varsity core body workout craze since the Executive Twist back in the 1960’s. Traffic Cop 1000 is designed to rescue your central core from absorbing and becoming one with out-of-control ab flab.

If you are NOT willing to engage in minimal effort momentum exercise, refrain from reading on. If you possess sincere faith in yourself that you have what it takes to conduct butt-flexations for up to multiple minutes at a single standing while directing the most intensive imaginary traffic situations known to your creative brain powers, continue reading.

By the continuation of reading from this point on you hereby agree to the contents herein and hereof should you and or any fellow loved one wish to utilize the Traffic Cop 1000 Killer Core Exercise Regimen for its appropriate intentions of building inner torso power and unfettered lightning-quick armature traffic responsiveness skills.

Now then, only continue from this point if it has been at least 46 minutes since your last meal and or bowel movement. Close your eyes and take three slow deep breaths. Open your eyes and stand up with feet shoulder-width apart. Seriously do this. Take those breaths that I mentioned two or three sentences ago if you haven’t already done those deep breaths. Good.

Now extend your arms outward and forward hugging an imaginary tree. As you hang your arms around this tree at about eye-level, allow your elbows to drop naturally with gravitational force, but keep your hands up as if they are being held in place by a puppeteer. Yes, that’s it. And continue with the deep breathing. Good.

Now slightly bend at the knees and roll them outward causing your pelvis to move forward. Pinch your cheeks tighter as if you were holding in a turd. Now you are in the TC 1000 CORE POSITION. This is the basis for all that follows.

Continue with the butt-flexing stance, but let the peaceful serenity of the tree you were hugging dissipate and force your imaginary self into a chaotic dead center of rush hour traffic in Calcutta India (hold that core!). Scooters, trucks, and cars are honking and racing by on all sides. People are needing to cross this traffic insanity or they will fictitiously DIE. You must act swiftly, correctly, and forcefully. Now then, direct traffic!

Extend your right arm over to your left side and stop that rapidly approaching red double-decker omnibus that is about to mow you down by sticking the palm of your hand up and into the personal space of the imaginary omnibus driver’s face. Be sure that jackass traffic violator knows you mean business by holding your palm there for a moment. Your elbow should pop or lock into place indicating that it is fully extended and also time to reverse the move to stop oncoming traffic from the opposite direction.

As you reverse directions, in one fluid motion, bring your left arm up and over to the right side as you lower your right arm bending and pulling your elbow back and making a fist that will be resting on your right hip by the time your left arm is extended toward traffic coming from the other side.

Hurry, because an out-of-control mule just got stung by a hornet and is pulling a cart of fresh manure that is about to impale a very old weak woman who must use a cane to cross the street. With your left arm extended and locking into place to the right. Shove your palm in that crazy mule’s face. Your right arm should be bent at the elbow and fist Do you feel the intensity?

Repeat this motion to and fro (left to right) and stop 250 vehicles from plowing into the beloved people who only wish to cross the street. Congratulations. You just entered the ranks of the TC 250 group.

Do this twice a day and you become an honorary TC 500 cop. Do it four times a day and you are automatically promoted into the exclusive and imaginary TC 1000 academy and will look and feel much closer to the body of a Navy Seal than before you started this explosive and invigorating journey.